Forgot...

Now that this quarter is finally OVER. I feel like I can somewhat relax and focus on my life a bit more, like evaluate it. What I mean by that is to step back from all this business I was thrown into this quarter and just kinda think what were some good and bad times that I've had. Mostly trying to pin point any kind of drama or anything.

And the reason I focus on drama is because that brings out my character. It brings out who I am and how I deal with certain situations, and I feel as if I talk about them, I can have a better understanding of myself. Rather than thinking it through I feel as if writing it through gives me a better idea how to have a different approach on the same situation given the same situation.

Two main or rather, three, actually no, two big ones, one small issue that i've come across this quarter. I'll start with the first issue, but before that a slight introduction.

I'm living with girls. This isn't and shouldn't be a surprise. They're both two wonderful roommates, Debby and Steph, or Steph and Debby, take your pick. I chose to live with girls this year for two main reasons. The first and biggest reason why was because I wanted to see how living with girls is different from living with guys. Girls are well girls and guys are like me. There's a isn't noticeable difference between the two, and I say this because you would think so, but in terms of living, there honestly isn't too big of a difference. I'm an only child, so I don't know what's it's like to have a sister or a brother, but I'm sure that those who have siblings, know that having a brother or sister doesn't bring too much of a change. They live like you. So messiness, check. The biggest difference I think is just how they think and how they act differently from guys.

This brings me to my next point. Gossip. I'm not a fan of gossiping and neither is Steph and we get a long that much better. On the other hand, Debby gossips a bit more. I'm not saying this is bad, but it is different. My friends in high school usually don't gossip and the guys I lived with last year and the year before that didn't even gossip. In fact I don't really even like gossiping because one it's none of my business and two I don't really care. There isn't too much to say about this other than it's different because it seems to be an extremely interesting thing to some girls. *not only Debby*

I'm getting closer to my point... really. When girls get their period... that's an interesting time as well as well as how much freakin toilet paper girls use compared to me and all the guys I know and lived with. Not to say that they just a horrendous amount, but I'm not used to going through a toilet roll within a week to a week and a half. I think last year it takes about a month to go through that. I mean obviously we only use it when we take a crap. Now associated with periods are emotional fluctuations which I can't even tell if girls are on their period or not. This actually kind of bothers me, just because there are some actions from girls when they're on their period that just screams "bitch" like the girls who live below us. But if I had known they were on their period I might take it a little less negatively. I don't know girls are weird and they do some crazy things when you don't expect it D: and I want to blame it on the period but that makes me look like a douche.

Getting on the point, there was one time when Debby didn't do too well in school and had a big argument with her parents. And she also told everyone (steph and I) that she was on her period. And I was like oh. I guess that's why she's so emotional right now? Man I don't know how I'm going to tell... Anyway this brings a lot of drama becuse her parents then decide to come down for Thanksgiving break. Extremely awkward because they get here on Weds night and then it's okay... but then on Friday morning I get a rude awakening to a lot of yelling at 830 am in the morning. Lots of argumenting stomping and shit going down ensues and her parents leave. Now they drive down from norcal... just 2 days ago and now leaving friday morning. An extremely short stay, but pretty much I don't want to get too into this because this is gossiping. But pretty much I had to console her about life and parents and future actions and money, hope, strength etc. It was a painful because Debby and I aren't really close but come on she's really hurting here. I can't sit in my room while she's in her bed sobbing. This is all due to her parents and how they treat her. I later learn other things but I don't want to get into that.

Anyway this kinda has an effect on me just because I realize how I'm treated by mom and it's extremely chill compared to Debby's. I mean I got a freakin F on my last programming assignment that I spent LITERALLY over 35 hours in. I started the week before and every single fucking day I would program for 3-10 hours. And to get an F on something you worked so hard on in the last week is fucking bullshit because 35 hours is almost the same amount of time you would spend doing a full time job. And I had to go to school and work at the same time. So jesus that was an extremely painful week. Still kinda bitter but I'll deal. Anyway my mom's reaction to this was what you got an F! and I was like yeah i'm pretty pissed, but I told her various reasons on how I got that F and how hard I worked on it and everything. Cause when she called on me I pretty much told her I was programming all the time. So she knows and to have her trust me is the golden part of our relationship. Contrast with Debby's parents where they don't believe her at all... and are so harsh on her when she tries to do her best in school and everything. I don't know it seems like she can't even live her life her own way and she's 20 already. Come on seriously? I think after high school you should be free to be and choose who you want to be already as corny as it sounds. And overall I'm just glad that my mom trusts me and treats me with respect as do I for her. I love my mom for that.

If theres ever one thing you take away from my blog here it is. When I was young, I used to do everything for my parents meaning grades. Get that A for my mom because she wanted me to. It felt like an order like a necessary requirement that if I didn't, I would be kicked out of the house and I remember my mom specifically saying that I would be out of the house if I ever got a B. And it scared the shit outta me. Later on in high school I still have that mentality but it was also when my mom started to change and realize that everything I do is getting that much harder and those expectations weren't realistic, but I kept onto them. Eventually I started to realize they were stupid expectations. And heres the kicker, at one point from high school I stopped doing it for my mom. I started to do everything for myself. I had dream and I had hopes. My mom had given me the opportunity to push me close enough so I can grab hold of my own dream and go on with it. Asian parentin is hell when you're a kid, but when you get older you realize how ahead of the pack you can bewith all that pushing and shoving. It's something that I agree and disagree with. Sometimes it can be extremely harsh but it's rewarding as well. Anyway, I had dreams to become a computer engineer and so I knew I had to get good grades in math and sciences and I thought I did. And now that i'm in college. I aspire myself to be a great computer engineer. I don't want B's in computer science or electrical engineering courses anymore. And I actually haven't noticed until college but my mom stopped pushing me. I think it was her way of telling me oh you got this now, you have your own determination to push yourself to get to where you want to be. I think she was telling me that without her in the beginning when I was young, there would be no way I would ever get here by myself. I needed my mom and now that I got here, I go wherever I want. I can do things for myself now, I can achieve grades for myself for my future where everything has a point and a purpose.

I could tell you all day what my mom has done for me and how she's awesome at it, but I'll leave it at that. I was going to write more, but I'll continue another time, this was just 1 major part out of the 2-3 that I had planned.