I think out of all the time I spent time with Tina I was never really jealous when she hung out with other guys, well probably because she didn't >_>. Typically. And there was that one time when I think a family friend asked her out to go to a junior prom, but she was like "Uhh sorry >_> I have a boyfriend" And I remember she telling me this and I remember she said the guy gasped and said "Oh sorry about that ><;;" and carried on the conversation like normal. Poor guy. But anyway I don't think I've ever been legitimately jealous of some guy that Tina may have liked.
And this brings me to my story tonight. So like at 12:38 am tonight, she moved her status on facebook from "single" to "no longer single" and when I saw that I was like OMG WTH!? And I IMMEDIATELY went to her facebook. And realized it was like "married to Anna Diley" or so I think. Haha, randomly Mr. Brightside started playing. Ironic eh? Anyway I have no proof that her status is that because you can always hide your relationship status but it will always show up on everybody's feed when you move the relationship status to something else.
And this brings me to my point tonight. For the first time I was jealous, or at least cautious/wary/extremely curious that I shouldn't have been. And I think this is due to the fact that Tina and I remain great friends, but it's like we know each other so well after going through a relationship. And I feel like no other guy can really know her as well as I can, but that's not really to say that I won't let her have a boyfriend. But I am worried about her because she doesn't like a lot of things that guys I think are. First of all I think a lot of guys are ASSES. Wait I just thought of something. She obviously wouldn't date an ass. Okay scratch that. Assuming she was dating a guy she liked, first obvious flaw, alcohol. He may like alcohol and pressure her or try to bring her to a party. I know she hates alcohol and I would never pressure her to go, and it always sucks to have a drunk or a boyfriend that drinks. Okay so there could be those who don't drink that much, and just occasionally, but stilllll D: Second thing, dances and freaking. Tina absolutely HATES freaking and hates freakers. I would have to say I come close to freaking with her, but no I don't. If you see freakers, you see them freak, that's obvious. If you see us, it's like...not exactly and I consider it not freaking. Third thing, and the thing I worry about most of her, moving too fast or kissing or anything like that. I'll just be honest with you guys whoever is reading this. I have NEVER had my first kiss yet with a girl. Yup. Not even with Tina because I just knew she wasn't ready for it. I kissed her on the cheek a FEW times. Let's see.. Valentines Day, and twice when she came to my house summer before college because I just thought it was time and I would rather try to kiss her than regret NEVER doing it because I knew we wouldn't be together with her during and after college and it would be very sad D: IRONICALLY. That kiss on the cheek, ultimately led to the breakup with me and her because I asked her if she was comfortable and she wasn't, and then I figured out she wasn't really read for a serious relationship and there we go. Bam we weren't together anymore. Once she said that it was basically all over. I'm still sad because of it. But I have to constantly remind myself it wasn't my fault and I just tried my best and did the best I could. It is sad I haven't kissed a girl yet, I'm sure you're still thinking that and you're still going "OMG YOU NEVER KISSED HER?!" Yeah I didn't. I didn't want to pressure her and obviously we moved too slow, and I should have at least talked to her about kissing and I guess it never happened. THAT was my fault. I suppose I never got my first kiss from my first girlfriend because it was my fault. That's okay, I'll learn. Anyway I'm sorry, back to the point. I'm really afraid she will have to move faster or something and she won't like that. Wait, If she does have a boyfriend, then she's ready to move on, and she's ready for a serious relationship. Okay I guess that ruled that one out. So.. I guess I'm just jealous that I couldn't have that, and some lucky guy can have that because I really think Tina is a very very beautiful girl and I would definitely sing every love song on guitar for her and actually mean it, cause I really loved her, and even now I think I am very lucky to have dated her :D I am so jealous for the guy who will be her boyfriend, but maybe i'll grow up and accept it and I might as well start doing that now. That still doesn't change the fact I feel like I am the one who knows her best and I want her to be happy, yet I don't want a guy who just doesn't know her as well as I do. I just want to point out the complex relationship that we have, because we had a nice break up and we still talk. In fact I talked to her on skype yesterday for like an hour and I really enjoyed that. I guess, I just kinda miss her. I don't even know if I miss her as a friend or girlfriend right now and if I could, what I want most right now, is just to go up to her and give her a hug like I used to do, and just say, "I want to be there for you and I will be."
Good night, everyone!
