9:57:31 PM Steven Fong: hey
9:57:34 PM Steven Fong: thanks for checking up on me
9:57:37 PM Steven Fong: that was really thoughtful
9:57:38 PM blubrry x3 icing: =]]]]
9:57:49 PM blubrry x3 icing: what are best friends for? =D
9:57:51 PM blubrry x3 icing: *hugs*
9:57:56 PM Steven Fong: hehe true true
9:57:57 PM Steven Fong: *hugs*
9:57:59 PM blubrry x3 icing: :]]
9:58:08 PM Steven Fong: you're the best xD
9:58:15 PM blubrry x3 icing: XD no you are
9:58:18 PM blubrry x3 icing: cuz you're super patient w/ me
9:58:19 PM blubrry x3 icing: lol
9:58:21 PM blubrry x3 icing: suuuper patient
You really made my night right there :D
Sometimes I used to wonder when we did become best friends and the actual definition of a best friend. I suppose we become best friends recently after I went to college? At least that's when we got super close. Thinking about it, I remember that I initially thought that you'd probably just ask me for my opinion on Felix and such and then kinda stop talking to me. And also before that I would think that eventually you'd stop iming me every single day. Both those presumptions about were you blown away and you proved me wrong. I'm glad you did because it shows how much you care :D I don't think anybody else eve really did that for me; I mean stay in constant contact with me. Maybe that's why I was thinking sometimes that I treat you like a girlfriend or I act like a boyfriend or something when we both know we're not. I guess a lot of communication between each other displays that. Okay i'm not trying to say anything here, I was just pointing it out. And I'm not saying that it's bad because I love talking to you :D it's awesome to know that someone's there to talk to about anything really.
But anyway back to best friends. I think the actual definition of best friend is someone that you hold on to, that nobody else you know has that special bond. But sometimes I dont like to use the word best friend, only because I like friends that are close to me, and I don't mind having a few, which means I probably have a few best friends. Definitely you are one of my best friends, and Pedro is the other :D. Many examples follow. Lester's kinda lacking to be honest cause we don't talk a lot >_> but if he's there he's a really great friend as well.
Anyway to the main point, at one point I started to think of you as a best friend, but sometimes I was more or less afraid to say it, only because one it signifies a big attachment, something I try to avoid for obvious reasons. 2nd, I didn't know if you considered me as a best friend. I mean it's really obvious now, but something in me said maybe I'm not. Well I mean I am really close to you, but aside from me, I don't really know your friends, like Sae Lome, or Tina, or Seena or uh Angela, or Jamie. I mean they may be friends to you, but I wasn't sure how close they were since I haven't even been properly introduced to them xD I just kinda know them through you and Facebook. Anyway I guess it has to do with a past experience of mine, where I thought I had a best friend, but turns out his opinion of me changed over the years and I finally learned that I wasn't his best friend, which was kinda sad to me because he was like a childhood friend and I basically did everything with him. But I guess learning that, I suppose the definition of best friend is really complicated, and so defining it was very complicated as well, since two people have to agree. And there are so many people who are close that just the word "best" singles out everybody, and so I don't like having one best friend, I mean there is a go-to friend, that would be you :D But there are other best friends as well like Pedro.
Okay so I didn't really want to make this post long and I want to end on a happy note because you'd be reading it and you would get distracted and such xD, but the for reals main point that I was trying to make is that I'm really happy that you consider me as a best friend cause it really means a lot. Since you know, you are pretty damn popular :P and so I guess it gives me a big boost on self-esteem because I know there are a lot of friends that you could get close to as well :D Even if you had multiple best friends, like Sae Lome and Tina, I don't mind, I guess just having you say it means a lot to me and I really appreciate it ^_^
Btw, when you read this, it'll probably be a Saturday or Sunday xD Maybe Monday at the latest, but I'm going to sayyy Saturday cause you check this like hella. And of course, it was to make you study and not get distracted. Besides I would say this was a happy post so think of it as a reward after OWNING two SAT 2's because I know you'll just OWN it cause one you're the best (need I say more?) and you're DIANA CHOU!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Priorities
I know I remember saying that I wouldn't post something that was really discussable. Well too bad cause I'm going to break it right now, and it's for good reason, promise since I'm kinda having some doubts and questions and I don't know not really feeling at ease right now.
First let me start off and say that I know that school work is the most important thing that you can possibly do right now. And I know that you're not trying to talk to me, it's just school work is well in the way here. Heres where I start to get doubts. The way I see it is, you're choosing to not talk to me and do homework instead, but don't take offense to that, I mean it is the truth right? And when you choose to do homework over me, that's okay it should definitely be more important. The doubt comes in when I can't really talk to you. sigh , and it's been my fault too. Okay so school is very important (I said this like 5 times lol) and I don't want to really get in the way of that. Translation, when you ask me how was my day, I say it's okay. When you ask me how am I doing? I say, I'm okay. And the conversation kinda dies from there. See the thing I have a lot to tell you. Anndd it wasn't really what I expected, cause I thought you'd have more free time.
1:03:28 AM Steven Fong: in one week you'll be super happy yeah? ^__^
1:04:43 AM blubrry x3 icing: yes omgggg
1:04:44 AM blubrry x3 icing: SO
1:04:47 AM blubrry x3 icing: HAPPY.
1:04:49 AM blubrry x3 icing: sooooooooooooooo
1:04:50 AM blubrry x3 icing: happy
9:25:00 PM blubrry x3 icing: *hug*
9:25:01 PM blubrry x3 icing: i miss you
9:25:02 PM Steven Fong: *hugs*
9:25:04 PM blubrry x3 icing: sorry about everything
9:25:05 PM blubrry x3 icing:
9:25:06 PM Steven Fong: aww i miss you too
9:25:15 PM Steven Fong: hey don't worry about it
9:25:26 PM Steven Fong: we can totally have like two marathons in a row xD when you're on break
9:25:29 PM blubrry x3 icing: haha
9:25:30 PM blubrry x3 icing: kay =DD
9:25:31 PM Steven Fong: i promise i'll be like free
9:25:36 PM blubrry x3 icing: ^____^
Anddd that didn't exactly happen the way I planned it... The most important thing I"d like to point out was....
1:45:03 AM Steven Fong: we should catch up too during break yeah?
1:50:24 AM blubrry x3 icing: sorry!! >< got distracted by caroline
1:50:27 AM blubrry x3 icing: and yes........
1:50:30 AM blubrry x3 icing: it's a poop
1:50:31 AM blubrry x3 icing: and YES
1:50:34 AM blubrry x3 icing: we need to catch up
1:50:38 AM blubrry x3 icing: sorry it's been so crazy
1:50:41 AM blubrry x3 icing: i've been very very distant
And that hasn't been quite going to plan either. And normally i'd say it's okay you have a lot of homework, and you do. The thing is, I'd imagine that somehow, you'd be done with homework for the day and we could actually talk. Now I understand that sometimes days don't go like that, work can be all day. But the thing is, it's kinda been like this for the last like 2 weeks or something I don't know. I'd say it all started when I was on my spring break. March 20, The date today is April 18, Saturday. That's a month. So I haven't really been talking to you a lot for a month. I admit some days we do talk a lot, or enough. Maybe the last week has been brutal for me since you were on break, but we still didn't really talk. In fact, you talked to me less lol. Well you have a of work. But in my defense... I have to say that hmm you talk to Caroline i think more than I do. And I guess I can't help but feel a little bit jealous here. Obviously, you have time to go places? You were in a car with her and Edgar... And that takes time, and I'm wondering, I thought you had work to do? And then I think, how does your dad or mom let you go out, when you can't even talk online that much? You know, secretly I could be a main problem here =_= but maybe not likely. But it kinda sucks cause when you come back, you would have to do work and then I feel like I won't talk to you until tomorrow. And I have some hope and go maybe tomorrow. And I get let down cause tomorrow didn't happen. I thought you would have at least some time, maybe not? But does Caroline prove otherwise? Well okay okay, if you talk to her because of her relationship problems with Edgar, alright that's important. I shouldn't be jealous over that, it's a little more pressing in priority than my usual conversations with you. I don't know, I feel like you're still kinda MIA for a while now, and sometimes I feel like theres time, but it's not really given to me.
So that was one of the issues, another one of the issues was what might happen if this goes on. I have to say i'm kinda patiently waiting for everything to be done with. And I meant you be done with everything. And obviously it won't be done for at least another month. I'm not saying I don't know if I can last that long, but I don't know if things will be the same. Somehow this reminds me of you and felix? Except... you actually care, but I still somewhat feel slightly neglected. And so, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It kinda sucks to just wait and have hope for the next day and then to be crushed. I could wait and say, I have hope for the next month, but then in my mind I know I won't talk to you during that time. Then that effectively says I won't really try to talk to you for a month. And my concern is, when that time is up, how am I supposed to act towards you now? If i'm not there, how much will our bond weaken? How can I look at you the same way before 2 months ago? 3 months ago? Hm. =\
Sometimes I feel when I was thinking about writing this that I was being beyond selfish. Not so much anymore. Though don't take offense to this, it's merely just me telling you that I miss you, and I wish that you would talk to me more, cause I feel as if theres a huge gap, and I was ready to fill it with things I wanted to say, but I couldn't. And ultimately, this is partially my fault, I always pretend nothing really is going on. Usually I'm correct. A few days doesn't matter, we can catch up a few days, but I'm not so sure if we can catch up a month anymore. Besides, what was I supposed to say to you? Oh wait let me tell you about my dream about Tina, and then talk for another 30 minutes? =\ I want to do this when you're done for the night, or better yet, just done, and that's why, I haven't been pushing myself between you and work. I'm sorry.
And this was when I started to crack,
11:47:42 PM Steven Fong: when are you sleeping otnight?
11:48:32 PM blubrry x3 icing: lol np
11:48:33 PM blubrry x3 icing: mmm
11:48:34 PM blubrry x3 icing: 12ish
11:49:03 PM Steven Fong: aw okay
11:53:16 PM blubrry x3 icing: hm?
12:03:25 AM Steven Fong: that you're going ot sleep D:
12:05:13 AM blubrry x3 icing: aw
12:05:14 AM blubrry x3 icing: sorry D:
12:05:20 AM Steven Fong: nono that's okay
12:05:24 AM Steven Fong: you should rest
12:05:45 AM blubrry x3 icing: =\
12:05:56 AM Steven Fong: it's okaay...
12:05:59 AM Steven Fong: don't worry about it
12:13:20 AM blubrry x3 icing: why '..."?
12:13:34 AM Steven Fong: wait i can't do that either? xD
12:13:47 AM Steven Fong: can i do four? xD
12:14:14 AM Steven Fong: lol nothing is wrong i promise
12:14:24 AM Steven Fong: i just wanted to talk to you
12:14:39 AM Steven Fong: and it's be nothing important
12:14:46 AM Steven Fong: it'd*
12:14:49 AM blubrry x3 icing: oh
12:14:52 AM blubrry x3 icing: okay lol
12:14:53 AM blubrry x3 icing: if you're sure
12:14:55 AM blubrry x3 icing: ><
12:14:59 AM Steven Fong: i'm suree
12:15:07 AM Steven Fong: i'll post on my blog if i wasn't xD
*sigh* not so sure anymoreee >< Though the thing is, I just wanted to talk to you, but the problem with that is, it'll take too much time and you don't have that time to spare.
First let me start off and say that I know that school work is the most important thing that you can possibly do right now. And I know that you're not trying to talk to me, it's just school work is well in the way here. Heres where I start to get doubts. The way I see it is, you're choosing to not talk to me and do homework instead, but don't take offense to that, I mean it is the truth right? And when you choose to do homework over me, that's okay it should definitely be more important. The doubt comes in when I can't really talk to you. sigh , and it's been my fault too. Okay so school is very important (I said this like 5 times lol) and I don't want to really get in the way of that. Translation, when you ask me how was my day, I say it's okay. When you ask me how am I doing? I say, I'm okay. And the conversation kinda dies from there. See the thing I have a lot to tell you. Anndd it wasn't really what I expected, cause I thought you'd have more free time.
1:03:28 AM Steven Fong: in one week you'll be super happy yeah? ^__^
1:04:43 AM blubrry x3 icing: yes omgggg
1:04:44 AM blubrry x3 icing: SO
1:04:47 AM blubrry x3 icing: HAPPY.
1:04:49 AM blubrry x3 icing: sooooooooooooooo
1:04:50 AM blubrry x3 icing: happy
9:25:00 PM blubrry x3 icing: *hug*
9:25:01 PM blubrry x3 icing: i miss you
9:25:02 PM Steven Fong: *hugs*
9:25:04 PM blubrry x3 icing: sorry about everything
9:25:05 PM blubrry x3 icing:
9:25:06 PM Steven Fong: aww i miss you too
9:25:15 PM Steven Fong: hey don't worry about it
9:25:26 PM Steven Fong: we can totally have like two marathons in a row xD when you're on break
9:25:29 PM blubrry x3 icing: haha
9:25:30 PM blubrry x3 icing: kay =DD
9:25:31 PM Steven Fong: i promise i'll be like free
9:25:36 PM blubrry x3 icing: ^____^
Anddd that didn't exactly happen the way I planned it... The most important thing I"d like to point out was....
1:45:03 AM Steven Fong: we should catch up too during break yeah?
1:50:24 AM blubrry x3 icing: sorry!! >< got distracted by caroline
1:50:27 AM blubrry x3 icing: and yes........
1:50:30 AM blubrry x3 icing: it's a poop
1:50:31 AM blubrry x3 icing: and YES
1:50:34 AM blubrry x3 icing: we need to catch up
1:50:38 AM blubrry x3 icing: sorry it's been so crazy
1:50:41 AM blubrry x3 icing: i've been very very distant
And that hasn't been quite going to plan either. And normally i'd say it's okay you have a lot of homework, and you do. The thing is, I'd imagine that somehow, you'd be done with homework for the day and we could actually talk. Now I understand that sometimes days don't go like that, work can be all day. But the thing is, it's kinda been like this for the last like 2 weeks or something I don't know. I'd say it all started when I was on my spring break. March 20, The date today is April 18, Saturday. That's a month. So I haven't really been talking to you a lot for a month. I admit some days we do talk a lot, or enough. Maybe the last week has been brutal for me since you were on break, but we still didn't really talk. In fact, you talked to me less lol. Well you have a of work. But in my defense... I have to say that hmm you talk to Caroline i think more than I do. And I guess I can't help but feel a little bit jealous here. Obviously, you have time to go places? You were in a car with her and Edgar... And that takes time, and I'm wondering, I thought you had work to do? And then I think, how does your dad or mom let you go out, when you can't even talk online that much? You know, secretly I could be a main problem here =_= but maybe not likely. But it kinda sucks cause when you come back, you would have to do work and then I feel like I won't talk to you until tomorrow. And I have some hope and go maybe tomorrow. And I get let down cause tomorrow didn't happen. I thought you would have at least some time, maybe not? But does Caroline prove otherwise? Well okay okay, if you talk to her because of her relationship problems with Edgar, alright that's important. I shouldn't be jealous over that, it's a little more pressing in priority than my usual conversations with you. I don't know, I feel like you're still kinda MIA for a while now, and sometimes I feel like theres time, but it's not really given to me.
So that was one of the issues, another one of the issues was what might happen if this goes on. I have to say i'm kinda patiently waiting for everything to be done with. And I meant you be done with everything. And obviously it won't be done for at least another month. I'm not saying I don't know if I can last that long, but I don't know if things will be the same. Somehow this reminds me of you and felix? Except... you actually care, but I still somewhat feel slightly neglected. And so, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It kinda sucks to just wait and have hope for the next day and then to be crushed. I could wait and say, I have hope for the next month, but then in my mind I know I won't talk to you during that time. Then that effectively says I won't really try to talk to you for a month. And my concern is, when that time is up, how am I supposed to act towards you now? If i'm not there, how much will our bond weaken? How can I look at you the same way before 2 months ago? 3 months ago? Hm. =\
Sometimes I feel when I was thinking about writing this that I was being beyond selfish. Not so much anymore. Though don't take offense to this, it's merely just me telling you that I miss you, and I wish that you would talk to me more, cause I feel as if theres a huge gap, and I was ready to fill it with things I wanted to say, but I couldn't. And ultimately, this is partially my fault, I always pretend nothing really is going on. Usually I'm correct. A few days doesn't matter, we can catch up a few days, but I'm not so sure if we can catch up a month anymore. Besides, what was I supposed to say to you? Oh wait let me tell you about my dream about Tina, and then talk for another 30 minutes? =\ I want to do this when you're done for the night, or better yet, just done, and that's why, I haven't been pushing myself between you and work. I'm sorry.
And this was when I started to crack,
11:47:42 PM Steven Fong: when are you sleeping otnight?
11:48:32 PM blubrry x3 icing: lol np
11:48:33 PM blubrry x3 icing: mmm
11:48:34 PM blubrry x3 icing: 12ish
11:49:03 PM Steven Fong: aw okay
11:53:16 PM blubrry x3 icing: hm?
12:03:25 AM Steven Fong: that you're going ot sleep D:
12:05:13 AM blubrry x3 icing: aw
12:05:14 AM blubrry x3 icing: sorry D:
12:05:20 AM Steven Fong: nono that's okay
12:05:24 AM Steven Fong: you should rest
12:05:45 AM blubrry x3 icing: =\
12:05:56 AM Steven Fong: it's okaay...
12:05:59 AM Steven Fong: don't worry about it
12:13:20 AM blubrry x3 icing: why '..."?
12:13:34 AM Steven Fong: wait i can't do that either? xD
12:13:47 AM Steven Fong: can i do four? xD
12:14:14 AM Steven Fong: lol nothing is wrong i promise
12:14:24 AM Steven Fong: i just wanted to talk to you
12:14:39 AM Steven Fong: and it's be nothing important
12:14:46 AM Steven Fong: it'd*
12:14:49 AM blubrry x3 icing: oh
12:14:52 AM blubrry x3 icing: okay lol
12:14:53 AM blubrry x3 icing: if you're sure
12:14:55 AM blubrry x3 icing: ><
12:14:59 AM Steven Fong: i'm suree
12:15:07 AM Steven Fong: i'll post on my blog if i wasn't xD
*sigh* not so sure anymoreee >< Though the thing is, I just wanted to talk to you, but the problem with that is, it'll take too much time and you don't have that time to spare.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
An immovable pedestal
So, today I decided to postpone the 3 day and 4th day rule just until you're not as busy. Possibly... after AP test? Maybe even after you take your SAT's, then you have finals, even at the worst, the end of school. That's 2 months from now, approximately. I accept.
I also realize that you may read this in the time frame of the two months and well I won't bother to block it. Just because you'll come asking me to unblock you anyway :P. And if you do find this, I know you care, and we'll discuss it, whatever I may write in the next 2 months or so. If you never find this and read this after 2 months; I understand you were busy xD. Seriously, I had like no life other than study study stud when I was a junior, but you have a job, badminton ends later, and you have 2 more AP's to cover. That makes up more than what I had to go through. Don't sweat it. You're still the best xD
Tonight I wanted to talk about something that I thought of last night.
Wow started this post at like 3, right now it's 4:13 am, and I spent that time talking to Tina. Starting with would you be mad if I told you liked this girl. Which brings me to tonight's (mornings) topic. This time it's not you :P Haha don't get worried. Okay maybe a little. The situation still revolves around you, but it's mainly me, it includes you basically. Okay so first I was wondering last night why I'm not really trying to find a girlfriend or anything. There have been some signs I guess? First is bumping into the girl I liked ("alle")at earl's place. Look hard at that, you'll know which girl i'm talking about. Anyway I bumped into her, but all I said was hi basically. Kinda lame I know, not really showing her that I like her in anyway. =_= And so I spent last night thinking why am I not really trying.
I came up with two answers.
1. It's not really the right time to date, it's spring quarter. I don't know if I have enough time to commit to a girl right now. spring quarter also means summer is almost here. If summer comes, that'll be 3 months that I can't see her. I don't know if we can deal with it. Basically preparation, timing is bad right now.
2. This one took a little longer to figure out. I was basically talking to myself about this one until I finally realized myself. You know I still like you, but nothing is going to change between us. And here comes the problem, that doesn't mean I can think of you differently, but i'm not like You're the only one for me; that's a little extreme. But you are significant enough that I hold you dear to me and you're in this spot in my mind of "girl that I care most about". And this is also due to the fact that you really are like one of my best friends, and we talk so much. I guess i'm afraid that I started dating, that'll change. You won't be the "girl that I care most about" anymore, it'll slowly shift to the girlfriend. And i'm not saying that's bad or anything, that's natural and in reasoning that makes perfect sense. What bothers me is that I don't think i'm ready to replace you with another girl. While I think that I should get a girlfriend for all purposes, I don't think if I can let you go as this title in my mind. And even though the answer is I should really go for this girl, I really don't want it to change. I'm still not ready to replace you even though i'm technically not replacing anybody. You undoubtedly will always be there and you will still remain my friend, as we always have been. But for now I guess it's my dilemma of getting over this.
I also realize that you may read this in the time frame of the two months and well I won't bother to block it. Just because you'll come asking me to unblock you anyway :P. And if you do find this, I know you care, and we'll discuss it, whatever I may write in the next 2 months or so. If you never find this and read this after 2 months; I understand you were busy xD. Seriously, I had like no life other than study study stud when I was a junior, but you have a job, badminton ends later, and you have 2 more AP's to cover. That makes up more than what I had to go through. Don't sweat it. You're still the best xD
Tonight I wanted to talk about something that I thought of last night.
Wow started this post at like 3, right now it's 4:13 am, and I spent that time talking to Tina. Starting with would you be mad if I told you liked this girl. Which brings me to tonight's (mornings) topic. This time it's not you :P Haha don't get worried. Okay maybe a little. The situation still revolves around you, but it's mainly me, it includes you basically. Okay so first I was wondering last night why I'm not really trying to find a girlfriend or anything. There have been some signs I guess? First is bumping into the girl I liked ("alle")at earl's place. Look hard at that, you'll know which girl i'm talking about. Anyway I bumped into her, but all I said was hi basically. Kinda lame I know, not really showing her that I like her in anyway. =_= And so I spent last night thinking why am I not really trying.
I came up with two answers.
1. It's not really the right time to date, it's spring quarter. I don't know if I have enough time to commit to a girl right now. spring quarter also means summer is almost here. If summer comes, that'll be 3 months that I can't see her. I don't know if we can deal with it. Basically preparation, timing is bad right now.
2. This one took a little longer to figure out. I was basically talking to myself about this one until I finally realized myself. You know I still like you, but nothing is going to change between us. And here comes the problem, that doesn't mean I can think of you differently, but i'm not like You're the only one for me; that's a little extreme. But you are significant enough that I hold you dear to me and you're in this spot in my mind of "girl that I care most about". And this is also due to the fact that you really are like one of my best friends, and we talk so much. I guess i'm afraid that I started dating, that'll change. You won't be the "girl that I care most about" anymore, it'll slowly shift to the girlfriend. And i'm not saying that's bad or anything, that's natural and in reasoning that makes perfect sense. What bothers me is that I don't think i'm ready to replace you with another girl. While I think that I should get a girlfriend for all purposes, I don't think if I can let you go as this title in my mind. And even though the answer is I should really go for this girl, I really don't want it to change. I'm still not ready to replace you even though i'm technically not replacing anybody. You undoubtedly will always be there and you will still remain my friend, as we always have been. But for now I guess it's my dilemma of getting over this.
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