Edit: Okay I got a stupid formatting error so if you see something like ><> or something well that's the error, just ignore it.
Two things are noteworthy to mention this blog here. But in this entry I'm just going to talk about the latter. So anyway I guess this time I'll attempt to write a longer post, just cause you said so, but not only that it's also because I feel like I have a lot on my mind, and I should talk to you about it. I suppose I lied when you asked me when something's wrong, but I thought it was pretty silly to have something wrong like every week cause seriously, something is wrong in my life almost every week, and every two weeks it's significant enough for me to put it on this blog. I think it's kinda sad ><. I think I complain too much. But i'd have to say that this, what I'm going to talk about, is slightly more significant than my usual day-to-day things that make it crap. Obviously since this has been on my mind for I guess almost 3 days now. Lol totally didn't do the 3 day rule, only because it's been bothering me, but most of the time, I've been trying to figure out things myself. I didn't want to go in without a plan. Besides, today everything that I've thought about was basically confirmed by the little incident today.
So here we go. The layout of this post is going to be,
1. I tell you what's bothering me, mainly, so you know what the hell you're reading xD (Yes I plan to make this long so who knows, maybe you'll get lost)
2. Thoughts on this?
3. Series of events that led up to this conclusion (#1)
4. Another note that leads into another topic, but is related. This is also bothering me a biiit, but the #1 just leads into this #4, or ties into it
#1. I think your dad dislikes me.
#2. But note that I said dislike, not hate. I would think he would show that he hates me, definitely, didn't get that, but definitely DID get dislike. A lot of dislike at least.
I've also asked you before if your dad likes me or not lol. I remember you said he doesn't remember. I came to your house before remember, and you asked him and he, I guess vaguely remembers me. And well, basically I think he dislikes me because I seriously talk to you too much. Like way too much.
#3. On Thursday or Friday, I can't remember I think Thursday, you said that you were talking to your dad and mom. And I asked, what about? And it was about your sleep time. Maybe this was later or something. But anyway I remember you said that your dad got mad that you sleep so late. And today, well I've realized that he's right. But i'll talk about that later. Anyway he yells and gets mad at you for sleeping late and the next day you say he apologizes. At this point, I'm a little worried, but not like it bothers me too much. At first I think that it happened because you have a lot of homework, and you do have a lot of homework; I can't argue about that.
Friday: This was the day I got to go home, and I was damn really excited! Since there were already plans to go play badminton on Saturday, and once I finished my final for math all I could think of is spend like 4 hours with you the next day. I was really happy :D Anyway I give you a call at the airport, I believe, but I don't think you picked up. Natural since you were at badminton practice. After my flight, It's 6:15 pm and I'm waiting for my mom and waiting for my luggage. I call you again, but I don't think you picked up this time either. Somehow I can't remember ><>me.
Saturday: I'm at Macy's because there was a sale going on and my mom wanted to go buy a mattress cover or something for me so my bed is more cushiony. I also got a haircut before and that took longer than expected. I was there at Macy's at 11:41 am or so And I would have to leave around 1:20 If I was going to make it on time for 2 pm. We headed out at 12:25 since the line was really long. I called you, I don't remember when, but I said that oh I'm going to be most likely late to baddy so yeah just wanted to let you know. Intentions were totally harmless. I'm sure you knew that already; I just wanted to let you know I'd be running late. But damn, such a bad timing to call you when your dad was there. And I found out that he knew it was me, just because later that night you said, "Does this guy love your or something?" And I believe that it was a joke because you said so, but I can't help but feel intimidated. And when I called you, well you were driving. You're not supposed to pick up ><>
Sunday: I started to think more about this situation and how it's starting to affect me and you and how frequent we interact with each other. We're at badminton this time. I'd say that was a really fun day. No complaints there, but after we didn't talk much. And that wasn't a bad thing, you have homework, a ton of homework. Totally understandable. I'd rather have you do homework than talk to me. But I guess what bugs me is that I think you needed to sign off because your dad was worried that you were going to stay up late.
See the pattern?
The big paragraph, be prepared to read this one :P
Monday: Today I visited you at school. Little did I know I was going to also meet your dad. Not really a big deal, to be honest, but when I was at the tutorial center today I was looking for you and when I found you. I was like oh hey it's Diana's dad! And then I immediately stopped myself, thinking wait should I go sit down. I'm sure Diana's doing homework or something important? Errr ><><>_> Okay at this point you may think, it's totally not my fault. But i'd like to think it is, just because I talk toyou everyday, and we talk most at night. Right when you NEED to do your homework. Our IM conversations logs go on into the tens of megabytes within months. Yeah, we talk a lot. I enjoy it, and so do you. Stillll. Anyway, I think he begins to start saying everything in chinese, and you definitely know where this is going. I also think there was crap talking, either to the girl that needed help (man I don't remember her name and she was on the badminton team last year =_= and i tutored her in avid). And eventually I feel like theres crap on me too. You say, mhmm, 2nd comment, mhmm, 3rd comment, mHMM, 4th, MHMM I didn't pay close enough attention. And given the current situation, you quickly reply with, can we please not talk about this right now. And that we should do this in the privacy of our own home. Something very similar to that. Eeeek >_<><.
And that's the end of #3, as you can see it's been bothering me from evens thursday till sunday. But it reallly got to me today. It really confirms my suspicions, to say the last.
What do I have to say about all of this?
#4
Thinking about what happened over the last 4 days, it makes me really do think of how close I am to you. We are really close, and it's really cool, right? But I think I guess I did call you too many times on friday and saturday. That was my bad. And obviously I talk to you a lot on aim. But the thing is, we've already started doing it, and we haven't really been talking a lot on aim anymore, and that's fine because I don't want your dad to be mad or anything. I mean it is your junior year and it's super super super SUPER important that you do very well. After all, colleges judge how well you do mostly on junior year and sophomore year. And that tallies up your cumulative GPA which is judged by the admission officers. And well you know, sometimes I think we talk maybe too much. And although I enjoy it to always talk to you every single day xD, I guess it's really hard on you as well and sometimes that doesn't really occur to me because you usually take the time to talk to me, instead the other way around. You take the time to im me and sometimes I beat you to it, but i'd say mostly you talk to me, more than I talk to you. And that's why I forget that you're a junior and that you should be spending your nights with homework and sleep, not talking to me. I always get at least 6 hours of sleep every single night. You always scrape by with 2-4 ><>
Err well definitely not trying to take you away from fred, or replacing him or anything. I just feel like sometimes I play the role and i'm trying to define a line here by small but significant things such as when we actually hug in real life I try and do it the most friendliest way possible haha and don't suggest like anything.
I guess this hasn't been bugging me too much, since the only reason is that I talk to youa lot, but this can also be considered as that we just have a special bond together and we just talk a lot and that's cool. I wouldn't say it's bad, unless you considered that it was bad.
Hmm do I still like your more than a friend? I'll have to say yes, but I don't know currently as I'm writing, it doesn't really seem like it right now. I have been trying to think of you as like a sister, such a good strategy lol. But I guess I still do, it probably won't go away, but do know that I would probably not ask you out or anything.
Oh wait I just up of another reason why I think i'm acting like a boyfriend. Somtimes when I post on your wall i have to make sure that there isn't suggestive, or when I post a video on your wall. Remember when I sang howie day for you, well I went to make sure that nothing in that song suggests anything lol. I actually go through some pains to make sure that any public posting between you and me doens't really suggest any kind of "I like you" kinda feeling. And If i were going to play you a song that suggested something, i'd probably tell you if it was majorly lovey-dovey like, but i'd probably play it to you over skype or oovoo.
OH CRAP lol I just rememberd that your dad also gets mad when we oovoo or skype together too. I'm very sure he's walked in and he's like seen me and he's like DUDE I'VE SEEN THIS GUY ON YOUR SCREEN HELLA TIMES!! I'm sure he's a little annoyed by that too. annd I don't want you to risk video chatting either ><>
One last comment,
Daughters by John Mayer: Wikipedia article,
Lyrics: "An admonition to fathers and a less extent to mothers to nurture their daughters in their childhood, because the relationship will affect their future relationships with men as adults." I remember reading a youtube comment saying, You'd understand this song if you had a girlfriend whose dad is really uptight and such. Somehow I can relate to the same thing here ><>
