Break the Silence

Let the silence be broken by you. See post...

http://stevenfongrevolution.blogspot.com/2008/09/and-then-there-are-times-when-we-have.html

Honesty

Please, I want you to appreciate this honesty. I want to tell you a lot of things that made me quite angry and frustrated. All I want is your understanding and also how much as much as it hurts me as well as you for me to say this.

Starting from square one, I'd have to say that we've been trying to plan this catching up ordeal for a super super long time. Today could've been the day or at least I thought it could've been. There were times when I had to bail on you too like Weds when I was busy with my things. When you say you were busy with apps, Oh I understand, I really do. School for you comes before well almost anything and I respect that. You want to get places and that's cool; I'm proud of you for having such high determination and perseverance. What I guess makes me reallly angry is that when you are done with everything, and we still set a time for something to catch up on, somehow it just doesn't happen and I just don't know why now. I remember that we were going to catch up during winter break or something it was supposed to be on a friday is all I can remember now, and that didn't happen. I mean it's cool that you want to hang out with your brother and go to New York, that sounds super exciting and fun and I don't exactly mind too much either, but I just really wanted to talk to you. It's just hard because you said a while ago that if I ever wanted to talk to you, to just call you and we could just talk. Well in pure honestly I have to say yeah fucking right. We don't. You're just still going to be busy and well it just won't work out, it never really will...

And also another thing you always say that we have plenty of time or just time in general to either hang out or talk or catch up and well for that we really don't. Like I honestly thing we don't have a lot of time to do that and just saying so is just painful to remember later on. Remember during the summer? I think I had a loot of hope to hang out with you during the summer just cause it's summer and we aren't supposed to have work or anything but guess what we only hung out 3 times maybe 4 max. MAX. It's just so depressing. And you say we have time like.. you don't even mean it cause you don't prove it. Granted, there are time when I'm busy and I may have said that, but i've always made time somehow or at least if you ever wanted to talk, I've made a really good effort to make time. I just know you're busier than me and you can't do that. So I really don't know what to do at all anymore. I'm still really angry at you just cause today I even like imed you to make sure you weren't going to be busy tonight and you said Oh i'm going to eat dinner with friends or I dont know and just be free after 9. Well I imed you at 910 or so and I didn't get a response and then I just gave up around 1050. Seriously? You have got to be kidding me. I would think that putting it off for sooo long well it means a lot to me to catch up. We're pretty close right? Sometimes I ask myself that question a lot and I've always concluded that we were, and now I'm just not so sure anymore? Where do we stand now? I wished that... you could've at least called. And also I didn't call you because you didn't respond to my text, which means I know you didn't have you phone with you and if you did, it means you were busy to not even text back so calling you wouldn't have done jack so I didn't. I just left it there just angry and just thinking wow alright you know what maybe next time we won't set up a date anymore to catch up. This is just ridiculous. I can't believe I said and thought those words it really just makes me think what happened to us?

I know you're sorry, You know I still forgive you, no matter what. Appreciate the honesty is all I have to say.

Hates it when people just don't do what they said they're going to do. I may be a hypocrite on this but call me out on this. A few times and i'll let it slide, but sometimes it just gets ridiculous.

Priorities... mainly sleeping

*sigh* I need to start getting my priorities straight. What I need to do with a goal in mind. I"ve been staying up late on break, and I've been sleeping earlier ish since school started, and taking serious advantage over the fact that that 1st week is super easy and barely any discussions/problem solving session and especially no lab which effectively eliminates no lab from 9 am to 3 pm, seriously. That's 6 hours of time... more like 9-12 and then 1-3, sooo 5 hours of lab. Anyway no lab tomorrow so class from 6 to 8, both discussion. But I really gotta start getting my stuff together otherwise it'll be the end.

Goals: Try to sleep earlier.