You're a Jerk Part 2

There was also another thing to consider. If it's not the girl that decides if she likes you, maybe it's you, the guy who also plays a role. After all not everybody in the world who is a guy looks super handsome and hot. How do they get the girl? Answer here is also somewhat simple, but the rabbit hole runs deep if you know what I mean.

The answer is,

Confidence.

Now of course, I have a big problem with confidence and talking to girls in general. I used to be even worse, oh man one time my heart was beating sooo fast when I this girl wanted some of my sheet music for a song and she was like sure! I didn't exactly like her but I was soo nervous. Mind you, this was in the 7th grade grade. Even so onto 9th grade and 10th grade. Oh man 10th grade homecoming was a time when I asked a girl out to a dance as friends. But that was a very very stressful day for me. I didn't even ask in a cute way, I just simply asked if you wanted to go with me. She said yes.

Fast forward to now, I still have a confidence problem, not being around girls anymore, but showing a distinct flair that is unique to me that would set apart myself from the rest of any guy she has met. That is literally the task I am trying to do right now, really hard, but I know the secret to it as well. It's be myself. But it's so much harder than that. Confidence is the huge factor into showing that flair, something that I don't exactly have. I'm fine around girls; I don't get too nervous, but I am shy. I won't go up to any girl I just met and engage in a conversation unless we're right next to each other, and it's super awkward quiet then I'll say something cause it's so torturous. And to me, sometimes it is silly because after all you're just making conversation with a person, but it is intimidating. It's most likely because I have an image of myself, If I somehow come off as something I'm not, maybe then I won't show the exact same image of myself to others. In plain english, It's fear. Fear that somehow they won't get me, which is why I have a lot of trouble making good first impressions on girls because I am the quiet shy one. But once you get to know me, everything shows, perhaps not the confidence girls seek, but more of myself, and my personality.

More on "confidence girls seek". I believe that in general terms, very very general terms, that girl seek a confidence that isn't just someone like me. An attractive confidence is someone who doesn't fear or fear less than I do. And thus spawning from that, comes to be an adventurous, charming, wicked (both good and bad), perhaps abusive, loving, caring ... jerk. After all, first impressions are pretty key here. Not all girls are attracted though; some may but in general terms and taking into account of the comic, it is there. Lots of girls ask, why can't I leave him? My answer, I don't know, why did you like him in the first place? Yes I think it's the initial attraction to those jerks, because they're more dangerous, and willing to take risks, but bear in mind no risk comes without consequences. In essence that is what sets them apart from every "nice guy" a girl has known. Again, this jerk, has less of a fear than I do. That may be why he goes off and does crazy stuff because it's "interesting"

See I don't have that kind of confidence. I have that fear. I am pretty much driven by my fear of what she'll think of me. I don't want to be a bad boyfriend. Risks have consequences. A greater confidence has its risks, but has excitement. I don't want to take those risks because I don't want to be a bad boyfriend. And at this point in my life, I can say that people don't typically change too much and so if they're confident and risk takers, it's not only a few things they do it all the time in their lives. Is that what leads to bad boyfriends? Why can't I leave him? He has made so many mistakes, he has cheated on me, he has lied to me, maybe he beat me, but he's my everything. Is that true? Can't a nice guy be your everything, but not lie to you, not cheat to you, not beat you. I just don't get it sometimes. I guess that was addressing only a specific portion of the women out there. In a more general sense, why did he lie to me. That's something everybody has to deal with for guys who are jerks. They are jerks. OH yes, there is another thing about jerks. They don't fear rejection, or most of them don't. I do. I don't like being rejected, it makes me feel like crap because I wasn't good enough. Of course everybody has to deal with this, but nooo not the jerks. They may think they're just high and mighty, and that it's not they who are not good enough, but the girl was not good enough for him. So they keep going, they stay strong they stay confident. Next girl!

There's gotta be another way that I can be set apart from the others, and not be a jerk and yet show my flair. Be myself... be myself. As true as this may be, I may never even reach that point in confidence because I fear... a lot of things. The only thing I can do, is pretty much be confident and take risks and be rejected. And then maybe one day, I'll be confident charming and be the ideal boyfriend.