An immovable pedestal

So, today I decided to postpone the 3 day and 4th day rule just until you're not as busy. Possibly... after AP test? Maybe even after you take your SAT's, then you have finals, even at the worst, the end of school. That's 2 months from now, approximately. I accept.

I also realize that you may read this in the time frame of the two months and well I won't bother to block it. Just because you'll come asking me to unblock you anyway :P. And if you do find this, I know you care, and we'll discuss it, whatever I may write in the next 2 months or so. If you never find this and read this after 2 months; I understand you were busy xD. Seriously, I had like no life other than study study stud when I was a junior, but you have a job, badminton ends later, and you have 2 more AP's to cover. That makes up more than what I had to go through. Don't sweat it. You're still the best xD


Tonight I wanted to talk about something that I thought of last night.

Wow started this post at like 3, right now it's 4:13 am, and I spent that time talking to Tina. Starting with would you be mad if I told you liked this girl. Which brings me to tonight's (mornings) topic. This time it's not you :P Haha don't get worried. Okay maybe a little. The situation still revolves around you, but it's mainly me, it includes you basically. Okay so first I was wondering last night why I'm not really trying to find a girlfriend or anything. There have been some signs I guess? First is bumping into the girl I liked ("alle")at earl's place. Look hard at that, you'll know which girl i'm talking about. Anyway I bumped into her, but all I said was hi basically. Kinda lame I know, not really showing her that I like her in anyway. =_= And so I spent last night thinking why am I not really trying.

I came up with two answers.

1. It's not really the right time to date, it's spring quarter. I don't know if I have enough time to commit to a girl right now. spring quarter also means summer is almost here. If summer comes, that'll be 3 months that I can't see her. I don't know if we can deal with it. Basically preparation, timing is bad right now.

2. This one took a little longer to figure out. I was basically talking to myself about this one until I finally realized myself. You know I still like you, but nothing is going to change between us. And here comes the problem, that doesn't mean I can think of you differently, but i'm not like You're the only one for me; that's a little extreme. But you are significant enough that I hold you dear to me and you're in this spot in my mind of "girl that I care most about". And this is also due to the fact that you really are like one of my best friends, and we talk so much. I guess i'm afraid that I started dating, that'll change. You won't be the "girl that I care most about" anymore, it'll slowly shift to the girlfriend. And i'm not saying that's bad or anything, that's natural and in reasoning that makes perfect sense. What bothers me is that I don't think i'm ready to replace you with another girl. While I think that I should get a girlfriend for all purposes, I don't think if I can let you go as this title in my mind. And even though the answer is I should really go for this girl, I really don't want it to change. I'm still not ready to replace you even though i'm technically not replacing anybody. You undoubtedly will always be there and you will still remain my friend, as we always have been. But for now I guess it's my dilemma of getting over this.