It was well needed, Thank you

Over the past few weeks I have been edgy with you. And I realize that it was all from just one main thing and that was how we view our own situations differently. I viewed them as something of like a commitment and an obligation and obviously, that wasn't fair to you and it's true. You are right, you should never be obligated to talk to me and I'm sorry that I made you feel that way as that can be extremely annoying if I was on the receiving end and there would be times when I'm just not in the mood. To be honest, I actually did go over this possibly in my head. I thought, "Am I asking too much? Am I overreacting? Am I... demanding more than I should? Am I taking it too far?" Those questions were filled with both yes's and no's. No's because I highly hold myself to things I say I would do because of the way I view things. And Yes's because it really was just talking and nothing like super required like you said. Still I felt somewhat annoyed and I just thought it'd be best if I'd let you know and maybe in the same process you could tell me how you felt about it and there would be some kind of compromise or something.

I think one reason why I was acting all stupid was well my viewpoint obviously, but I want to tell you one thing that lead me to believe this viewpoint and follow by it with everything that I am. A long time ago when my parents were still married (my step-dad and mom). My mom was sick and she rarely gets sick and so when she does it's pretty bad and her fever was rising and it was pretty high like 103 or something. And I remember that you'd have to go to hospital if it was 104 and above cause that's kind of dangerous. I remember something like 107 to 108 and you're dead. So my step dad and I were both getting pretty worried and we didnt have any drug medications like tylenol. And I remember that my step dad went to the store longs drugs but didn't bring cash cause he was so frantic and so he just drove there without any money and he came back with medicine. I asked him how he did it and he told me that he gave his word to the clerk that he would pay him back the next day or something and that he really needed it for my mom. He told me in a extremely firm tone that If anyone gives his/her word to someone then you best follow it and do it otherwise you are literally nothing and you aren't worth their time or something like that. I really took that to heart and I still remember that day very clearly because I was in my room and he came in and told me that.

So back to where we are. Perhaps I felt like you were giving me your word, and I don't take it so seriously that you are nothing, it's just a hypothesis as to why I was annoyed by it. Another reason may have been that since we didn't hang out, every other chance to hang out became more and more important to me, but of course that's how I view things.

But you were right. You were so right. I am at fault also because this was the second time that I've had the talk of obligations. Maybe somehow I get egotistical or something and feel like I am special when really, I am just a friend. And I should not take up more time than what I am. I felt really bad when you said to me that you only hung out with your best friend only once since the quarter started. And actually i've seen you around a lot, well compared to once and I feel selfish for that. I'm sorry for that.

Overall though, In the grand scheme of things, I also have to say Thank you. You changed on how I look at things and that I really shouldn't take things at face value for more trivial things like hanging out. Although I am still adjusting and I don't know what to think or what to expect when we plan stuff, I know I shouldn't be too angry or at all if you decide to cancel on me. If you do, I know out of the goodness in your heart that you would feel bad and from that I feel like you'd maybe make more of an effort, but what's different is that I shouldn't expect that you are doing that. That's the important change I'm going to make. Thank you.

With that said, I'm going to leave you all with my most cherished and favorite spot in La Jolla, the Cove. ^_^