You're not perfect

I'm sorry.

I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I don't know what got me thinking about this, but it never really occurred to me how much it would hurt to have you so busy. And I'm not talking about me being hurt, i'm talking about you being hurt. I just thought about the nostalgia post I made and how I wrote that I didn't like to think that you busy, but I guess out of selfishness I didn't think about how you would feel or respond or react to that. I'm sorry about that. I guess today I thought it must be such a horrible feeling to find out that you can't be there for me sometimes. You're just going to be busy and busy and just make total sacrifices for your future right now by working hard and getting the best grades. I'm sure you know what you're giving up, and although I think you hate to admit it, you know you're giving up a lot of things right now and I'm pretty sure it hurts so much to think about it sometimes. You can't be perfect and you can't make everybody happy. I think that at some point, you thought that you could just somehow make everybody happy and I think that you really can't. I can always try, of course, but I can only imagine the pain and hurt you must feel when you find out what either me or someone else is going to be unhappy even though you're trying so so SO hard. And for that I'm sorry I expected that from you. It didn't occur to me how painful you might feel.

You know I think there is one thing that may have gotten me to think about this. Two days ago I read a xanga entry on a girl who had trouble with a guy. At first they were wonderful and dating but after one month that guy started to say to the girl that she needed to be skinnier and dress nicely and such. The girl complied and did so, but she never really meet up to his standards. Sadness and despair took over the girl and eventually her self-image of herself shattered into tiny pieces. Thank Goodness that she's not dating that guy anymore but it definitely got me thinking Have I ever done that? It was basically an expectation issue from the guy... yes I've had that before and it always related to you. And then I got to thinking did I expect things from you such that if you couldn't fulfill it, would it in turn hurt you so much as this girl in the story? Maybe...

At least, that's how I subconsciously got myself to this post..